And I want to be heard.
In a sense, I have been heard from time to time. The problem is that it has never been done in a nice way.
To explain what I mean, and why I want to be heard particularly this time, let me use as an example the most recently case, i.e., my March 9 blog. In it, I put forward some of my ideas on how to tackle the current global economic crisis - the subject of the London Summit - as part of a series on China's democratization and its impact on the world.
Three days later, President Barack Obama gave a speech to a group of U.S. business leaders. Comparing his speech with my March 9 blog, one could say that he was pretty receptive to my ideas. But he did not mention my name. -- That's not very nice, was it? -- I was so shocked by his speech that I scrambled to save my blog as screen graphics. (Of course, other pundits similarly "borrowed" my ideas, too.)
With the G20 coming to London, I particularly wanted to be heard this time. That's why you saw a flurry of book-borrowing activities from me in the last few days, culminating yesterday with my borrowing one book from Vancouver Public Library and returning 5 to SFU, making the total number on loan 4, thus signaling my willingness to be considered to replace Hu Jintao as the 4th generation of Chinese leadership.
Now, when I started my journey to seek justice for Cecilia Zhang, I thought of myself just a simple guy trying to right a wrong. (Or maybe two wrongs, including the one inflicted on me.) Even with the realization that Chinese government was considering me for a leadership position in China, I have always held my cause in Canada very dearly.
That's why I do not always do what the Chinese government want me to do, as can be seen from more than one places in my blogs. The most recent example was from my last letter to the Governor General. On the day of President Obama's visit to Ottawa, I returned one book early in the morning, making the total number of books on loan 5. But I refused to return another one later that day, which, I believe, would have made the total number 4 and injected myself onto the Ottawa scene that day. Indeed, I borrowed three more items from SFU the following day, making the total number of items on loan 8 and signaling that my intention had been mostly personal. (I did not know at the time that 8 was used to refer to the 4th generation in China as well. To me, 8 has always been a lucky number and meant good fortune. Another possible misinterpretation of my borrowing records was that some people might have looked into them a little too carefully. If I want to signal numbers within a total number, I would go to different libraries. I will get back to these points later.)
As I said before, I was dragged into politics without my prior consent. But to say that I am totally uninterested in politics now is probably not true, either. I am a naturally curious person. As such, I learned quite a lot about politics in the past few years. Although I still maintain that to be a professional politician isn't a suitable career for me, I did give some thoughts about China's democratization, which has always been my wish for China as well as for the world. That's why I wrote about it recently. My thinking was that if people are interested in those ideas, they can talk about them, or even implement them. I just want to get recognized, which might also help me to get out of my insufferable situation.
The three numbers implied in the acknowledgement I published on March 17 perhaps best captured my intentions. The three numbers are 6, 8 and 9. (I think everyone knows 17 means 8 and 9. Indeed, the first time I was taken to the mental institution, I was assigned room No. 17.) And in my mind, 6 and 8 are pretty much the same, just with different emphasis.
The next day, I read an article which challenged the reader to discern 6 rainbows in an accompanying picture. I could not do it without seeing the answer. This exercise made me conscious of the 6 items I borrowed from SFU and I looked carefully into them. To avoid confusion, I simply started fresh and borrowed another 6 books from SFU.
Partly to continue making my point, I borrowed 2 more books from VPL the following day, March 19. I was aware that number 2 had been given the meaning of 11. But I hoped that from my recent writings, people should have realized that I had always favored "dialogue and cooperation" between China and U.S.A.
On Saturday, President Obama made 4 points in his weekly radio address. And he did so in front of a bookshelf. I wondered, for the first time, if in Chinese politics, 8 was used to refer to the 4th generation as well. I returned the 2 books from VPL later that day, just to be safe.
On Thursday, March 26, I read a new article by Li Yang, who had disappeared from the Internet in early 2006. This was a significant development especially considering that I had got the impression lately that Mr. Jiang Zemin, the 3rd generation of Chinese leadership and my chief backer, was ailing. His article seemed also to confirm that 8 was used to refer to the 4th generation in Chinese politics.
That's why I went to SFU that evening and returned a book. But I still did not want to give up my personal cause. I borrowed 3 books from VPL the following day, making the total number 8.
Nothing happening, I returned the 5 books from SFU and borrowed one from VPL yesterday. The total number is now 4. The message is clear: Even if it means losing my personal cause, I want to be heard this time.
I simply want to be heard.
